Embracing the void

 I'm about halfway through Project Hail Mary and I can't even begin to explain how good it is. I actually have a BS in Biochemistry and I've been away from the science world for some time now. And watching this movie is making me realize how much I miss it. I miss the stress and the constant learning. I miss spending 12 hours in my research lab and running around trying to get experiments done. I miss the people and the little bubble of community that was my research lab. I miss the passion and excitement it gave me for life.

I know I tell myself that I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but sometimes I think I know and I'm just scared to do it. Getting a Phd is such a big scary time consuming thing and making the choice to dedicate 5 years of my life to it would be insane. I feel like I'm not smart enough and I know I have the passion and the work ethic but is that even enough? Every time I think about it, it seems like such an impossible task to accomplish and it makes me so anxious. I think I just have to remind myself that time will pass anyways just like the time has passed since I've graduated. It's not putting a pause on life, it is making a decision to do something with it. Maybe this is how I can study abroad or even do research abroad ! I know it's such a big decision but everything in my life has kept leading me towards this and all I've done is pretend not to notice it. But I think its time to take this leap and just take it day by day. 

I can't believe I feel this strongly about it but wish me luck!